Mommy is coming home

Internal Audit (Feb 20, 2008)

Our branch hasn't been audited for 5 years. Lisa was an external hire after Mike moved to Moncton. She has completely different management style that is very open and laid back. The branch clients' satisfaction is actually improved. There has been so many turnover in the branch during the past year, an audit is long time due.

Had a mock audit by Debbie and Lisa this afternoon. It didn't event occur to me that I will be asked questions about ombundsman, CDIC, Corp. client's complain process etc. We have been concentrating on Mutual Fund compliance and USD account opening recently. There has been so many changes and restriction regarding USD acct opening, sometimes I would even consider talking client out of opening USD acct. Anyway, did OK.

Don't want to go to lunchroom for lunch anymore. I take lunch at 2pm. People would sympathize me when they heard this, but I enjoy this schedule, because after lunch the day is almost over. But the problem is Leanne is a talker, and I really don't feel like talking after 4 hours with clients. I think Lisa thinks the same. No offense Leanne, still love you. :)

Dave stormed out of his office and is planning to have the rest of the week off, after putting a note on his office door noticing other colleagues that he is busy with his deadline due this Friday, and then over heard a female staff mocking about his note. Dave takes tasks that are outside of his job description, always does a good job, but is underpaid and rarely appreciated. He told his manager Yve a few time with no response, and finally he blew up today. No matter where it is, government is a fat bureacratic machine that feed on people's laziness, and dissapoint those who wants to make it.

Tattoo

Got a tattoo. Who said it does not hurt? Mimi's father picked this charactor for me after analysing my 五行。原来我火太多，缺金（一点也不奇怪）。许多含金的字都不雅（只要可以有金其实我都不在意），酌不知怎么有金的意思，于是我就用了。之后买了两张彩票，竟然都中了！当然不是什么大奖，一个是十元，一个是一张免费的票。我从来都没中过，这回就到处宣传。用奖金又买了几张，全没中。

Sales Sales and Sales

Had a dream one night. Jason and Josh was chatting with each other about how great their sales are: how much they exceed their loans, and how much investment they have. I was there thinking about my pathetic sales, feeling so left out. What am I doing wrong? I know I can be lazy, but sometimes it seems to be no where to find more sales. What do I miss? Had to pull myself together! It is stressing me out!

Such a tiny little town that you bump into someone you know wherever you go.

Don't think Josh likes me. Is it because my poor sales and attitude makes me weak in his eyes? I find there is always insincerity behind his kindness sometimes.

If I quit where else could I go? Xu Xun and Mu Jun may be running some business soon, but would it be worth it for me to quit my job and join them? They have money to risk but my job is all I have now. Don't even have the Emergency Fund I tried to talk the clients into set up.

Chris is hot. And we are having a double date tomorrow night at Suwana the Tai food restaurant with his girl friend who is also from Beijing and Alex my husband. Secretely wish he could be like Feiber who looks great from outside leading people to believe they are great inside as well but turns out to be an ass. I wouldn't mind kissing him. Sl*t!

The sl*t is buying a house with her husband, who will spend lots of money to set up his studio which shatters the sl*t's dream of paying off the debts with this year's tax refund. There will be no more next year since all the student credits has been used.

2007 ?

又一年过去了，又有许多事发生，总的来看还不错，除了年初搬家他没有太多收如欠了不少帐，回了次国又花了不少，今年该严格的还钱了。回国的影响还很深，好想放弃所有搬回去。或许厌倦的是婚姻吧。可以去温哥华也比呆在这个乡下强。可惜他的事业也刚起步，是他喜爱的那行，又是在稳定安逸的市政府。早上他问我是因为真的爱他还是不忍心伤害他才留下来的。我当然说了后者，他问是不是伪心话。说他那么爱我，如果我一定要回去他会同我离婚的，可我做不出来。是害了他吗？当初就是这样才和高拖着，因为找不到理由才一直耗到大学毕业。可真的不开心，笑不出来。自私的我呀，想要自由了。

钱坤说一个人很冷，是过来人的话。她很早就结婚离婚，好像经历了很多别的事，在MSN上不愿提，说会写出来的。说在读书的时候就看得出我有野心，吸引人。虽然回想当初的傻样难以相信，但还是得意了一番。好想再有人追。自由自在。

好了，新的一年到了，今天和昨天没什么区别，立目标的意义也不大，但还是希望可以不在胡思乱想，竟快回到回国前的状态。还要减掉十磅。

A Miscarriage and A New Born

Wei's excitment was shattered by the news that the fetus was dead. In her email looks like she was very sad for awhile and now decides to start a new page.

Yanqing finally becomes a mother. So happy for her, especially after seeing the tiny little creature she brought to earth lying in the pink crib. Haven't seen her for so many years. Can't tell much change of appearance but she is sure changed. The motherhood made her so much tender. Now I am just like a carefree little girl refusing to take on any responsibilities. No matter what I've heard from Wei and Anxian, I still love her and wish her all the best.

回来一周了，还没缓过来，仍好像在拒绝面对现实。不想看平时喜欢的电视节目，不想听这里的音乐，不想做一切与中国无关的事，连他也不碰。心真累，受不了了。什么时候才能恢复？回国真的是不可能的了！
他今天真的生了气，说我要是回去我们就完了。说我总是不安现状，不珍惜已经拥有的。说他怕得不敢考虑一起买房子的事。说我自私。我说给我多点时间把这一阵熬过去。如果真的自私，会一狠心不顾一切回去的。
快疯了吧，一直想着他。明知不可能的。居然幻想到他忽然来信说自己离婚了。我会回去，但只会先象朋友一样地交往，以免互相责怪。就这么地疯想。找到他妻子所执教的大学网上的她的简历，很优秀的人，我又怎么能比的了，只有他对过去年少的回忆罢了。现在又算什么呢。
是因为小城市生活空虚还是生性不定，换赵延青好听些的说法：感情丰富。
没回国时这样的日子还可以忍受，现在心已经不在了，可身子就被锁着。
那么远，不可能再远了，下次再见他就是作父亲的人了。