7:15 AM, Dec 2

The scene remains the same outside of the window, but the excitement I had on my first arrival now turns into sadness. Never felt I was part of the life here yet the life on the other side of the earth now still seems surreal. How long will it take for my heart to settle there?

He called approx 8am as he was on the way here. He had another engagement and couldn’t make it at 11am. We met at the newspaper stall again, walked to Starbucks, walked back to his car. The whole meeting took an hour. We returned to our old selves, I sensed the fog wrapping us. The silence in the air was killing me and I had to fill it up with anything concerning nothing. I wanted to give him a hug but I pat him on his arm and said he might be a father already next time we meet. As he turned to the car I shouted I was glad to see him again. Then it’s over. Walking to the opposite direction I hoped he would suddenly show up from behind. Kept on looking at the other side of the street searching for his car. Couldn’t help but calling him at 8pm but he sounds busy somewhere. Thought he would call me back but it didn’t happen. I guess that’s it. I completely missed him.

I knew I shouldn’t have done it but sense does not take control.

I don’t want to go back to Saint John and I don’t care for the life there.